Thursday, January 04, 2007

NEW YORK OR LOS ANGELES

Okay Fuckettes. While I was attempting to get my fat ass in shape for 2007 I was panting like a dog in heat "trotting" around Salcedo Park when I realized that I needed to be a singer....not want, but NEED to be a singer. For those of you that don't know. I've been a singer my ENTIRE life. LIke since I was a little kid. You know when Mariah Carey's mom described her as a child and how she use to run to the TV during commercials to sing the jingles?? helloooo, that was ME! i did that too! I'm not kidding betches. Ask my mom if you don't believe that Mariah and I were born under the same fate!

In a nutshell, about five years ago I was in a band called Soul Lyric which got some moderate attention from our peers & the industry. I dedicated my life to this band. I lived and breathed this band and I had some serious belief that we could actually make it. We were discovered by a DC producer tempted and teased, treated like stars, invited to parties and were supposedly the "next big thing" to hit the market. It all seemed like the real deal cuz we essentially didn't have to pay a dime. We got the interest of some A&R people from Rockefellar & Sony records. We just had to show up and deliver through our music. Which we did. when of course the inevitable problem reared its ugly head. Yes, ladies and gentlemen the one and only unchangeable trait that I just cannot do anything about and won't....NO not that I'm effortlessly fabulous and beautiful but the fact that i'm *gasp* GAY! (oh and Asian....but that was small potatoes compared to the gay part.) So in the lame attempt that the production company that we were signed to to change me and "masculinize me" for the masses didn't work they decided to drop my band with the excuse that the labels "just don't know how to market a soul singing asian duo where the lead singer is a gay diva singing queen" yes, it does sound hard to swallow but apparently the industry saw the potential and our fans didn't seem to care. Honestly if you ask me and Rina (my band member) we practically had a blueprint on how to market us but they weren't having it.

So defeated and shattered we broke up and went our seperate ways. I got into makeup cuz first I was good at it and my image was applauded in the industry. It didn't matter how gay I was cuz it was accepted for makeup artists to be flaming queens. Over the years, I've just been living and doing the makeup thing just b/c it was the obvious route for me to take and i was being accepted easily. And I know if I work hard I can really be a success at it. But in the back of my head I continually have this nagging voice to keep on singing. Its in my blood. I know it. But after such a shattering experience I've been too scared to continue it in fear of more rejection. But to tell you all the truth there is only one thing that brings tears to my eyes when I think about it and it sounds cheesy but I get emotional when i sing or just thinking about being on stage at the Grammys or something. Only when i sing. seriously. For the past 5 years its something that I've been trying to hide and there are even some days that I forget that I sing until I actually try and it all comes back to me. I'll be listening to something on the radio or whatever and be impressed with a singers run or note and I'll try it and I'll shock myself that I can actually do it. I'll seriously be singing and be like "shit, i just did it & that shit was off the hook" Its funny cuz I've worked so hard at getting people to know me as "The Makeup Artist" that when I tell them that I sing I think they think that i just like to jam on the karaoke machine or whatever. But its crazy cuz when they do ask me to sing I can't cuz its something that I don't want to go back to & relive. I always have some sort of excuse. Its not that I dont want to its cuz I don't want to be remembered what I'm missing.

So anyway, I realized that I need to approach the music in a different way. Instead of beating myself up and being someone that I'm not. I'll just be who I am. its that simple. Take it or leave it. Apparently myself is fabulous when it comes to the makeup world. So why not music right?

So with this, I decided that if I wanted to do the damn thang and be the best at it I can't do it here in the Philippines. I need to go somewhere that will challenge my skill and when I defeat it I'll be on top. Of course the two places are what? New York and Los Angeles where else??? I'm sure you're asking what about your life in the Phililppines?? Honestly, I know I can wreck shop in this country when it comes to makeup but I know its going to take time quite a bit of time. And if I'm going to invest time I should invest it in a country where if I make it I make it everywhere right? I mean really, I'm up for this job with this makeup company Shu Uemura here and if I get it and it complys to all my needs then I might stay. But if I don't which is likely (I don't know i feel like I'm not going to get it) then its a sign that its time to move on cuz I don't have time start from the bottom up in a country like the Philippines. I know what I'm worth and what I'm capable of and why take a step backwards when just being in the States is a leap forward to so many Filipinos. I'm talented i know this. (there goes my horn *beep beep*) And so far it seems like a lot of people just want to contain it here and I'm someone that needs to flourish & be challenged right? So i got to do what I got to do. I mean I love the Philippines its a great place but not the greatest if you're trying to be your full potential. A lot of great innovators and artists live here that will never be acknowledged. Its sad and I'm not trying to be one of them.

Anywho people, leave a comment and tell me what i should do or if I'm doing the right thing. i would love to hear from all you bitches!:) Take care and keep reading fuckettes. Toodles!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ya know what bitch...u know who this is..I cant remember my google account. This blog should be called "bout damn time" U are one of the most multi talented bitches on this planet but u given me more excuses then I can remember. Im not telling you anymore that you have talent,that is moot. just believe in u..when u get set back acknowledge and start moving forward again. Girl u have gone through enough. Go to NYC and make it happen now...what you waitn 4...u still there..get up and putthose mango chips down and got to NYC...get up! Love Ya..D