My God today was one of those days where I sat home and felt sorry for myself. and I hate feeling sorry for myself. I'm sure most of you know me as the always crazy, outgoing, confident and funny beRONce! But today sooo was not one of those days. I woke up at 2pm watched a depressing movie didn't take a shower, tied my hair back, wore my glasses, with absolutely nothing on my face. Basically i was a hot mess. You know its hard work trying to look fabulously glamourous all the time and believe it or not I get tired and I have those days when I actually just want to blend in the background and not have people gawking at me all the time. The attention is fun dont get me wrong and theres something about the shock factor from people that gets addicting but again, today was not one of those days. Actually the depression was too much. I just wanted to talk with friends about my problems that are going on in my life that I pretty much know all the answers to but I feel the need to just have someone listen to me bitch and maybe get another perspective about it.
You know thats how I know when you're really my friend. Like a REAL friend. Not a "lets get drunk and party" friend. I mean, I love you all and I love entertaining you bitches. But sometimes I need to get real for a moment and just get shit off my chest. Its funny how when sometimes I attempt to get "serious" with some of my "party friends" they don't know how to handle the fact that I too can get depressed and serious. So they never know how to handle it and would rather not hang out with me if I want to talk with them. Most of the time its not like I don't know what to do or I need a lecture. Its more the fact that I just want someone to listen. You know? Cuz honestly I know all the answers to my problems its just nice to know that you have a friend that will take their time to be concerned with whats going on with your life be it good or bad to just sit there and let me babble on and on while maybe giving me constructive and loving critcism or advice. So thank you guys for listening to me tonight. You know who you are! I love you for that. Thanks.
I would probably say on average I have at least one day a month when I have a bit of a breakdown. I think its normal. Everyone needs to have that day when it feels like all your problems have all decided to fall on your ass at the same time and you're tired of being the strong one and just collapse. Even if its just for a day. I'm a strong person that tries everyday to do the damn thang as much as my abilities will allow me but there are those days you just want to curl up and give up cuz its tiring to be strong all the time. Its especially hard when you know you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend to curl up to when these days hit you.
Anyway, today was shit and I just wanted you all to know that. I can be fun, crazy, strong, independent and confident. But I'm also human and I need to cry sometimes. Especially when being who I am (* a too much singing makeup wearing/doing glamour queen) and trying to do the things I'm trying to accomplish (a multi media mogul icon). I love you all and tomorrow I'll be fine. Promise. Toodles bitches!
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