Lonely no more...well, at least just for tonight.

So I know what you're thinking "YOU SLUT!!!" right? okay, maybe just a little bit haha. But whats a girl gotta do in the land of the brown to have some ass smacking fun?? So before I go into the nitty gritty details cuz I know you perves want to know let me tell you how my day went.

So cuz I was online til the wee hours of the morn my ass woke up at 1pm. When i wake up that late its like my day is fucked. You know what I mean? its like you tell yourself "well, shit half my day is up i might as well just do nothing & stay home and repeat what I did last night" It was tempting to just lay my ass on my couch while eating clover chips (a cheap ass third world potatoe chip)as I watch the Tyra Banks show but I so had to return this dress that I borrowed from a local designer, Patty Eustaquio, for a photo shoot that i did like last month and I accidentally returned it to her with all these makeup stains that it looked like i wiped my ass with her dress. I was so embarrassed so I had it dry cleaned and b/c I'm in the third world it took 4 days for that shit to get cleaned. So finally it was all done and I had to return it at this mall here called Rockwell. So anyway, remember yesterday when I did my makeup like the crackwhore meets Pam Anderson or whatever...I was so floored by all the attention that I got just walking the streets that I decided to give myself yet another pretty smokey eyed look today to get the brown boys going.

I didn't take a picture of it. I know I'm sorry I forgot. I'm mad at myself cuz I'm planning on taking pictures of myself evertime that I give myself a glamour look to inspire all you fuckettes that you too can be just as glamourous. Shit if i can get my pimpley blotchy ass uneven complexion some kind of justification than I know your ass can too. Don't believe that my skin is that supermodel perfect cuz with a little help with full coverage foundation from MAC & about 20 more products with some slight photo retouching I was able to transform my faggoty ass into a glamazon. Speaking of makeovers if any of you fuckettes have any beauty questions please feel free to holla at a bitch and I can give you some much needed advice for your beauty needs so that one day you too can exude half the glamour that i do on a regular basis. Don't you hate it. Cuz I don't! Damn its hard being pretty! I'm kidding betch! Just for the sake of my sanity and my lowered levels of self esteem let me just say "i might be fat but I'm still hot! I might be fat but I'm still hot! I might be fat but I'm still hot!" okay, affirmations are good. we all should have a few.

I know I may come off on this thing as a vain selfish vanity driven image whore but its really just my way to show all you beautiful people out there that less visually gifted fat people in the beauty industry like myself might not neccessarily have all the physical attributes but i sure as hell have the knowledge cuz its people like me that created all you fucking anorexic supermodels out there. Without us you'd still be baking baklavah in your small village in some unknown Scandanavian country dreaming of the better life. you may not even know it. But its people like me that really run the show you're merely our beautiful puppet slaves! Damn you beautiful people. You can at least fuck us to show us your appreciation!.....I HATE BEING FAT! Shit, now I want to eat fried chicken.

Ok if that wasn't a tangent I don't know what is. Soooooooooooo. anyway, about my date!!! bwahahaha! So I've been talking to this guy via myspace for like a month or so now and I always get guys from foreign lands express their undying infatuation for me while they tell me I'm so beautiful and they say they're going to visit and fuck me sideways blah blah blah but they never do. EXCEPT for this one. He actually came (no pun intended) he texts me saying he's coming and that he's on his way here from Kuwait (whats up with the middle east?? THEY FUCKING LOVE ME maybe I should move there and be a celebrity or something*big up to the middle east*) and he wants to meet me. So anyway, the day came today and we meet at greenbelt he was sooo much cuter in person than in his profile photo & it looked like he benched weights and worked out and what not. Anyway, so we have a few drinks at Peoples palace then eat ice cream at Haagen Daz (I think he was trying to fatten me up or something) then he insists that we go to my place to "talk" and have some "private time" I guess those are Arabic words for "lets fuck" I won't get into exact details but lets just say that it turns out I speak Arabic pretty well. pheeeewww. finally the year and a half drought is over! I can finally thank the Rain Gods for watering my baron desert. Shit its about bloody time! If i had to sit through one more sex story coming from a fugly gay in the third world then i was seriously going to OD my ass on some Opium. This might sound vain but fuck it. I'm tired of people coming up to me saying that "i'm so pretty" if I'm so God damn pretty then why is my ass still single huh?? And why is it that I only hear it from girls?? why not guys? Am I only hot to girls? wouldn't that make them lesbianese? whatever. Anyway, tell me what you fuckettes think cuz apparently not cuz I'm ugly. is it cuz I'm fat? but I keep seeing all these fat bitches with their men. so it can't be that. What is it I want to know. tell me!!!